Thursday, 14 January 2010

Posting on the conference

The open University provides us students a forum to share information, even drafts, on as well as moans, wails and tips from other students. I'm finding it a bit difficult to post on, partly because I'm naturally worried about someone saying' What are you on! This is rubbish, utter rubbish!' (a comment I had in school many years ago). The other problem is my tutor will see the posts, and there's a part of me that is worried she will see my fumbling first efforts and she will be prejudiced against my efforts at the TMA stage! Even writing these fears down makes them seem ridiculous - they are so deep rooted and childish, so I'm working on them now. I thought I could write notes for a poem about school and maybe get it out of my system a bit. I can hear some of the same fears in posts by other students, maybe this would be therapeutic for the other people who are too scared to post on our forum.

On the plus side, I'm really looking forward to the day school in February, I learned masses at the last one, even though as an agoraphobic the time was intensely stressful and I talked non stop all the way home. Fortunately we picked up my daughter on the way home, so I had someone to talk to so the driver got a break! I am anxious about the experience of doing poetry exercises in public, even though I'm realising I have a good ear for language and can easily hear rhythm in words (what a good scrabble word rhythm is! 15 points and no vowels!) I have found if I bold the stressed syllables I can hear rhythm better than I could, obviously it's a learned thing. It's made me go back and review my earlier poetry with a critical eye, and pull them to pieces but in a positive, reconstructive eye rather than just jumping up and down.

so: Meeting the QE2

Nan is on the QE2, crooked teeth and brittle blonde,
works because it has repeating patterns of stresses. The next line is much more awkward to read.
Crimpolene amongst silks, organdies, gauzes and tweeds.

It's given me time to look again at earlier work and take out the good bits and look at building new poems around them. I'm never going to be a poet and fiction is more my thing, but I'm liking poetry more and more.

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