OK, the stunned phase and probably the grief stuff is over - and the whole world has changed. Isn't that the weird thing? You start a new job, or meet a new person or do something unexpected and it makes you re-evaluate everything. I've agreed to a book deal, I can't announce who and what yet until formal announcements etc. but today, I woke up and realised I am going to be published.
And somehow, today, that no longer seems like a pipe dream, it all seems possible, (still sparkly and special and amazing) but quite possible. Sensible, even. After all, I wrote the book, and a sequel, and half another sequel, otherwise, why was I worrying over little details like editing? Clearly I was heading towards publication, and after five years, I'm just about ready for it. It's so strange that at no time in that five years did I ever believe it was going to happen to me. It seemed like a mountain of obstacles and doubts just sitting up there, looming over me, possibly laughing at my feeble efforts to climb. From the other side it looks quite different. There's the Mslexia funicular railway that got me halfway up, there's that set of steps my agent pointed out, there's the ridiculous circular groove I wore into the top while I waited... Now I have to think about how to get down the other side. Yesterday I had no idea. Today, a helpful editor has given me a map of all the steps and paths and picnic tables on the way down. It's suddenly all real.
The contrast between labouring on your own on a book no-one even knows about let alone wants to buy, and being guided into the world of publishing is huge. I feel great. I have faith in the book. I'm ready for the next part of the adventure.