Sunday, 22 April 2012

Grief

Every year, grief stalks me around this time of year, and again in August and October. Every year I decide to ignore it, distract myself, but every year I dream about my daughter in such vivid detail that I wake up with the feeling of holding her in my arms. I know it will go on the 28th, her birthday, and possibly before, but it bites me every year. The trigger, bizarrely, is my next daughter's birthday. She was born when Léonie was coming up to her third birthday. Here is the post for April 2010 and the one for April 2011. Grief is like being in pain, for me, I just want to huddle up against a radiator and wait until it goes. My niece, born a couple of months before Léonie, has just had her first child. It's just another loss,  Léonie will never have children. I'm going to spend the day watching feel good movies and possibly eating chocolate and ice cream. Maybe cake. Sod it. Normal service will be resumed shortly.

10 comments:

  1. I am so sorry about your loss.There is no way to soften it but look after yourself and remember how lovely sh was . lol Angela

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    1. Thank you Angela! I'm taking a day off and chilling out with the younger kids. I'll feel better ina few days. Thanks again.

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  2. More than 10 years have passed since the death of my first wife. The pain remains, and I still dream of her. Wanting to be with her, I spend those dreams trying to find her. Time doesn't make the pain the pain go away. It just becomes a little easier to bear. Take your time, and do what needs doing for you.

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    1. Hi Torggil, my husband and I were both widowed, so we know how to make room for those feelings. You're right, they don't go away, your new life just grows up around them. I now contain a couple of pounds of chocolate and ice cream, it helps a bit.

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  3. So sorry to hear this. (And you, too Torggil.) I love honesty in blogging and I see you write with your heart well displayed on your sleeve. Take some time, eat some cake, and yes ice cream, and yes, sod it - sod everything. Feeling better is all that counts.
    (Did you mention cake????)

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    1. Thank you Cathy (I loved your blog post about sex, by the way!) Cake really helps...Hugs helped too, a walk in the fresh air (40 mile an hour winds through fields of lambs - very bracing) and a good cry through the movie. I feel better already.

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  4. So sorry to hear about your loss...I am praying that you will have a blessing from God today! Just stopping by from the Challenge...
    Http://4ambassadorsofchrist.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you for visiting, and good luck with the rest of the A-Z challenge!

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    1. Thank you! I feel a bit better now the day has moved on. Crazy, gets me every year.

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