Friday, 4 April 2014

Wrestling with motivation

Sometimes it all feels like every step is uphill. The book is out there in its paperback livery and doing OK, as far as I can tell. Not taking the High Street by storm, but selling. I did want to email everyone who bought it personally to say thank you, but once we got past the 1000 mark common sense starts to come in. I also wanted to thank everyone for writing reviews, which on the whole have been very lovely, and even the one person who reviewed it and didn't like it said it just wasn't their sort of thing, completely fair comment. But you can't do that. I'm so happy to be published, and I should be skipping, but real life is getting in the way at the moment.

I'm selling my much-loved house, largely because my husband's cancer diagnosis has made him want a fresh start somewhere else. But to do this we had to tidy up, sort out and de-clutter our house and now I'm showing strangers around. Some of them are less than complimentary. They are entitled to their point of view, of course, but can't they take a leaf out of the reviewer's book and understand it's a matter of taste? No, I don't have walls covered with trendy wallpaper with giant flowers, and I don't have laminate floors everywhere. I have no problem with people who do, but this is an old house. It just wouldn't go. I'm just hoping for a buyer soon, before I actually go crazy.

My husband is off to radiotherapy every day, having his pelvis microwaved or whatever they are doing, and being remarkably chilled about it. We follow all the side effects and discuss talk about everyday. But what we don't talk about is whether it will work. He's relentlessly positive about it, which I love, and need him to be otherwise he wouldn't do all the treatments. But it leaves me with my doubts, which rage through my nightmares every night. I'm actually going crazy.

I know other writers who believe if they could just sell a book and get published they would be happy - forever - but real life is so much bigger. Writing is my escape - I wrote before I got published and I will write afterwards too. But real life is hard to get away from at the moment. So I would like to sell my house, and move, and have the radiotherapy work. Please. 

11 comments:

  1. Hi Rebecca
    Good to get an update - but sorry to hear life is such a trail. I think the law says you are allowed to be stressed - moving house and cancer being more than enough on their own to cause that reaction. Praying for good progress on both and for you to get some peace and some good news to keep you hopeful. You are so right - I am one of those for whom publication is a life-long dream that I imagine will complete and perfect my life. Your post is a dose of realism. But I am glad you have your writing (and successful writing, don't forget that!) to escape into when you can. Keep going and take care. xx

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  2. Thank you! And I hope you get your publication magic - and enjoy it! Reb x

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  3. Perhaps selling a book and getting published can cushion you a little from life's harsh realities, but sadly they're impossible to escape. I never understand why people feel the need to be so critical - with books OR houses. As my gran used to say, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

    I really hope everything works out for you and your husband, and that there's good news soon x

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    1. I had very much the same advice from my gran! We're just plodding on and keeping the love there. Hopefully we'll cope with whatever happens next. Thank you, Karen.

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  4. Someone somewhere will come into your house and see that it is just the place they have been looking for and will love it. I do hope you find them soon. Life is hard and we all need our family and friends around us to help us navigate the storms that blow up from time to time. You seem to be in a hurricane at the moment, just hang on tight and it will all become calm again. I hope very soon. In the meantime, receive a cyber hug.
    Take care. x

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    1. Thanks, Sue, I really appreciate your support. Just having a few down days, but enjoying having the kids home for Easter too..

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  5. I am sorry to hear that your husband and yourself are struggling with Cancer. I too was diagnosed with it and the mere fact of diagnosis totally changes your world view!
    I am now 'cured' for how long who knows? But my thoughts are with you both.
    Debbie

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    1. Thank you Debbie, and the very best of health to you, too.

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  6. Sending hugs to you and Russell.

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  7. Hi Reb,

    I have tried to leave a comment a few times and it seems to get sucked into space - I hope everything turns out okay for you and Russell.

    XO

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    1. I'm glad you persevered! We're getting through the radiotherapy adventure OK, and hanging in there. Thanks for leaving a comment, xx

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