I've written 926 words today, in several goes. It's uphill at the moment, I can feel all the different distractions pulling at me. Kids at home, kids going back to university, putting Solstice/Christmas back in its boxes. I feel as if being patient/understanding/kind for a few weeks has left me with a backlog of selfishness backed up. I just want to jump up and down and shout 'but what about ME?'
My husband's got cancer, which is awful and scary and hopefully well on the way to being cured. He's got six incisions and has had to go back to the hospital twice, and I'm really sorry he's weak and tired. But there's a child in me that had a very hard holiday and worked extra hard to make it as good as it could be for everyone else. And yes, I really do know what a selfish cow that makes me sound like! But I put my life on hold once before for someone who was ill and it stretched out to eight years of uncertainty, false hope and eventual devastating loss. I've got baggage.
So that's today. By tomorrow I hope to be back on my feet and serenely Zen about the fact that we are about to get THE RESULTS. We will be told whether the cancer has probably gone or not, and whether radiotherapy will help and when he will have to start having it. Again with the uncertainty... To make matters worse he wants to move house.
Excuse me while I jump and up down shrieking for a few moments.