Sunday, 5 January 2014

Forcing the words out

I've written 926 words today, in several goes. It's uphill at the moment, I can feel all the different distractions pulling at me. Kids at home, kids going back to university, putting Solstice/Christmas back in its boxes. I feel as if being patient/understanding/kind for a few weeks has left me with a backlog of selfishness backed up. I just want to jump up and down and shout 'but what about ME?'

My husband's got cancer, which is awful and scary and hopefully well on the way to being cured. He's got six incisions and has had to go back to the hospital twice, and I'm really sorry he's weak and tired. But there's a child in me that had a very hard holiday and worked extra hard to make it as good as it could be for everyone else. And yes, I really do know what a selfish cow that makes me sound like! But I put my life on hold once before for someone who was ill and it stretched out to eight years of uncertainty, false hope and eventual devastating loss. I've got baggage. 

So that's today. By tomorrow I hope to be back on my feet and serenely Zen about the fact that we are about to get THE RESULTS. We will be told whether the cancer has probably gone or not, and whether radiotherapy will help and when he will have to start having it. Again with the uncertainty... To make matters worse he wants to move house.

Excuse me while I jump and up down shrieking for a few moments.

6 comments:

  1. For what it's worth, I've been following for a while and you come across as one of the least selfish people around. Made me smile to learn it's not without effort! I really do hope you get the results you want - best of luck xx

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    1. Thank you, Helen, for those kind words! And congratulations on getting a wonderful agent, a book deal should be along shortly. I find I write for my agent more than anyone, even my editor, very encouraging. Good luck for 2014! Reb x

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  2. Not remotely selfish, you're perfectly entitled to have a 'moment' or twelve with all that going on! 926 words is better than none, and hopefully they'll be flowing again soon as the new year settles in. Fingers crossed for good results very soon x

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    1. Thanks Karen. 2013 didn't entirely go according to plan, so hopefully 2014 will be better. Thanks for the support, it is really appreciated! Reb x

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  3. You are entitled to a moan, Reb. Crossing fingers for the results. I brought 2 of your books as gifts to Canadian friends. They both loved. One described it as a "dropper"

    I quote from her email "I've been reading your friend's book. Really enjoying it. It's a "dropper". I read in bed and it's so good I want to keep reading it even though I'm tired and next I know I've dropped it on the floor and woken myself and the dogs up. "

    I'm totally stealing dropper and I agree with her.

    X

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    1. 'Dropper' is great, what a compliment! I'm struggling to get back to work but knowing book 1 works for some people helps me get back to editing book 2 and finishing book 3. Thanks for that! Reb x

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