Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Drowning or waving?

That's me, with the hands trying to reach the air. I may be waving.
By Sarah Thomo
I'm waiting for cancer to be scooped out of the man I love so he has a chance of living. A good chance, sure, but surgery is so savage. It's so aggressive. But so is the cancer, so we have to man up and cope with the whole thing and not let it affect our lives too much. Only it does. It's hard to think about anything without it creeping in.

I'm writing the end of book 3, in which a couple of characters die, and it's heart-breaking. I want to save them, I want to wave my god-like writer's hand and rescue them because I can't do it in real life. In real life some young woman surgeon gets to wave her less than god-like hand and attempt to get all the cancer cells that have inexplicably set up home inside an otherwise healthy man. No, we have to rely on human skill and radiotherapy and drugs.

So my writing and my life are melancholy at the moment, and I'm trying not to plan too much, or commit to anything beyond the needs of my large family and the books. I'm waiting to rewrite book 2 and knock it into shape for my editor, then finish book 3, late but better (hopefully) than the others.

Meanwhile we grieve for the old days, when we planned a long future and enjoyed our ignorance. I think I may be drowning after all.

14 comments:

  1. Oh Rebecca, my heart goes out to you. Nine years ago my doctor discovered a lump in my thyroid and after a quick biopsy that came out inconclusive, I underwent surgery. I had ten radiotherapy sessions before pathology results said I didn't have cancer. I was planning my wedding, and for a couple of months I thought I might not make it to wear my wedding dress. I understand your anxiety and pain. Be hopeful, support one another, and enjoy every moment no matter what. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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    1. What a horrible situation to be in! You must have been so worried. Thank you for your kind words, Georgina, they really do help.

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  2. So sorry to hear you are all having such a difficult time. Thinking of you. Big hugs. Boz

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    1. Thank you, Boz. It is a horrible time. I just want the surgery etc. over so we can get on with some normalish life.

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  3. Dear Reb, we are thinking of you and praying for you both, Keep positive and take every moment captive, each one precious and closer to bringing you through all of this horrid time. Know you are both loved and consider yourself thoroughly hugged. xxx

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    1. Thank you, Sue. We're trying to enjoy the last days before the treatment starts and get ready for Xmas with all our kids. And thanks for the hugs - healing in themselves! Reb x

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  4. Dear Rebecca
    So sorry things are so grim at the moment; you describe them so perfectly which I don't suppose is much comfort to you. I hope a change of writing scenery from the third book to the second helps with the writing melancholy at least. For the rest - I'm praying. Take care.

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    1. Thank you! It's just a surreal time and some days are hard. I'm looking forward to coming out the other side.

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  5. Yes I send you all good wishes as well as all the others! It is a terrible worry for you all. Lots of love Angela x

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    1. Thank you, Angela. On the plus side, we got word that he will have his operation in two weeks time, and should have Christmas to get over it with the family. That's where our strength comes from, I think! Thank you for your good wishes, they are appreciated! Reb x

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  6. I can't begin to imagine how stressful and traumatic this time is for you both. Sending healing thoughts xx

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    1. Thanks, Cally, it's been a slog these last few weeks. But we're trying to stay positive.

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  7. And something that may give you a small smile: I handed out your bookmarks and postcards at book club on Friday and there were lots of 'Ooh I like the sound of this' noises and then there was a small tussle to decide who got to read your book first! X

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