Sunday, 6 May 2012

Writing the last bit of the dissertation

I've been kidding myself. I'm scared shitless of finishing the rationale for my dissertation. Three thousand words of carefully researched prose on why I wrote the book, and how. Then I hand it in...and am judged and found wanting. I will get a D in red ink. It's giving me nightmares. (I think the book being back with the agent is doing the same - I'm worried that will come back with a D too). When I was doing edits, I slept like a log. In fact, I slept in every morning I could. Now I'm back to waking in a panic at 6am after several nightmares.

I'm looking at why I did what I did, and it is a useful process, I have to (reluctantly) admit. I am interested in the collision of belief and science in the sixteenth century, so have inflicted it upon my readers. I'm fascinated by how outsiders find their way in society, since I feel like one. I don't really have any filters, I tend to say what I'm thinking as I think it. This gets me into a lot of trouble. I am also intrigued by death, having observed people dying a number of times (in a work-in-a-hospice way, not a serial-killer way).

Reflecting on how the book has evolved has also been interesting, for a YA book to a supernatural thriller to a book club book. It's also grown like Topsy, now bulging at 99k words. But actually writing this all down is agony, and I'm only 750 words in. Perhaps I should just redirect my tutor to my blog posts?

6 comments:

  1. Now... There's a thought.

    If it's any consolation, I can't help thinking this is all going to come good for you. I do hope so.

    Best,

    N

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    1. Thank you Nicola, I hope so! But doubts creep in, apparently at night. I thoroughly enjoyed the creative side of the MA but the critical side is hard!

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  2. Thank you for your comment - those mouse traps sound much kinder!

    Think positively :) I'm a terrible night-doubter, you have to tell yourself that it's time to sleep and that nothing can be done at that moment! It must be so hard, I wish you tons of good luck!!

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    1. Good luck with relocating mice! I'm looking forward to sending off the rationale, and getting a good night's sleep.

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  3. Cut and paste the blog posts!!!

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