I've been kidding myself. I'm scared shitless of finishing the rationale for my dissertation. Three thousand words of carefully researched prose on why I wrote the book, and how. Then I hand it in...and am judged and found wanting. I will get a D in red ink. It's giving me nightmares. (I think the book being back with the agent is doing the same - I'm worried that will come back with a D too). When I was doing edits, I slept like a log. In fact, I slept in every morning I could. Now I'm back to waking in a panic at 6am after several nightmares.
I'm looking at why I did what I did, and it is a useful process, I have to (reluctantly) admit. I am interested in the collision of belief and science in the sixteenth century, so have inflicted it upon my readers. I'm fascinated by how outsiders find their way in society, since I feel like one. I don't really have any filters, I tend to say what I'm thinking as I think it. This gets me into a lot of trouble. I am also intrigued by death, having observed people dying a number of times (in a work-in-a-hospice way, not a serial-killer way).
Reflecting on how the book has evolved has also been interesting, for a YA book to a supernatural thriller to a book club book. It's also grown like Topsy, now bulging at 99k words. But actually writing this all down is agony, and I'm only 750 words in. Perhaps I should just redirect my tutor to my blog posts?