Me: I have no idea what I'm doing, really. I mean, it's not like fiction, is it? Fiction is my thing.
A363: It's exactly like fiction. You are making stuff up, characters and settings, and making stories happen. Isn't that what you do in fiction? Anyway, I recall that chapters one, two and three were all fiction.
Me: Well, I don't like plays.
A363: You said that about life writing.
A363: And poetry. A fair few tears over poetry, as I remember.
Me: Well, I can't stand radio. I can't even listen to story tapes.
A363: I'm not asking you to listen to radio. I'm telling you to write one small radio play. You can make coffee, can't you?
Me: Of course.
A363: And do you like coffee?
Me: Can't stand the stuff.
A363: I think I have made my point. Do you think your husband puts on the radio and brews two litres of coffee in his office to keep you out?
Me: Hadn't thought about it...until now.
As time went on 'Me' became a sulky child and 'A363' a smug bastard. I wonder where this double act is going.
I can really recommend the BBC writers room website for its brilliant advice and even better, template for Word. It was a bit of a fiddle to download (well, to find it in my antiquated version of word!)